Hello.
Welcome back.
You've no doubt heard this before. When writing, SHOW Don't TELL.
It's another rule to help you become the respected author you want to be. Check your book of Tools. Rules 22, 27, and 38.
TELL: (no) "My brother is talented."
Don’t just TELL me your brother is talented. SHOW me. Your reader should decide if he's talented.
SHOW: (yes) "My brother restores Model T Fords, is a stand in for Brad Pitt, and just yesterday played 18 holes under par over at the Wilshire Country Club, with only his seven iron."
Now you have your reader saying, “Wow, now there's one talented guy.”
When you make a statement, back it up with examples.
TELL: (no) “I'm a hard worker.”
Unengaging and unconvincing. It has no persuasive force.
SHOW: (yes) "I'm up at five to write while I'm fresh, catch the 720 Metro at seven to get to work, selling commodity futures. I get back about six for an hour or two going over the rewrites for my tenth book. Hell, I don't even have time to eat."
This is much more persuasive, don't you think?
TELL: (no) "I would have to say that Ping-Pong is my favorite sport.
SHOW: (yes) "Ping-Pong may look like fun, a beer in one hand a paddle in the other, but for champions like myself, winning requires me to be a real athlete. Sometimes it feels like a life or death proposition. It's one heck of a work out. It's my life."
***
Here’s a sentence that tells:
TELL: (no) The boy wore old clothes.
Boring
SHOW: (yes) The back pockets of the boy's jeans had been removed to supply material for patches in the knees, and where the pockets had been were the unfaded squares of blue denim. (Thieves' Market, A.I. Bezzerides).
Not boring.
And as a writer, there is nothing worse than to be called boring. NOTHING.
***
How about Metaphors and Similes to SHOW (yes).
TELL: (no) He rumbled through the crowd.
SHOW: (yes) Like a bull elephant he pushed the others out of his path, forcing his way toward the crowded break room, hoping beyond hope that somebody had the good sense to make a fresh pot of coffee.
TELL: (no) She quietly looked through the window.
SHOW: (yes) Like a weightless butterfly gliding up to the window, she lit silently on the sill, and peered inside.
TELL: (no) He sat there with a bag of chips.
Boring.
This creates a limited image. (Okay, Ernest Hemingway might get away with sentences like this, but we're not Ernest Hemingway).
SHOW: (yes) He stared into the bag of Doritos, shook it, and smelled it's aroma. With a huge smile, he cradled the bag in his arms like a baby. Try to take it away from him, you’re in for a fight, twisting away, "Hey. Get your own. This is MINE!"
Not boring.
***
Answer the questions your readers are asking.
TELL: (no) "I'm not worthy."
Your readers are asking, "Okay why aren't you worthy? What have you done to become unworthy? Who are you?"
SHOW: (yes) "Every time I get up on stage I forget my lines, and once I look out into the audience, I feel so stupid. I'm such a screw up. It's like I want to throw up. Really."
The more of these questions you answer, the more you SHOW (yes) instead of TELL (no), the more interesting your writing will be. The more readers you'll have. The more books you'll sell.
Keep going with the first 6 Posts. It's hard work, but you're building the solid foundation you need.
Until next time...
Together we can get this done.
Later.
